Jul 9, 2018

The Wood-Chipper Murder

I'm sure you've heard the cherry picked tale countless times before of ''man meets woman''. This tale is a bit different than the routine. Man not only met woman, but man eventually put that woman in a wood chipper.
 The story of Helle Crafts is one of sadness and tragedy.

I won't spoil the read for you because this is sure to be a salty snack for all of you True Crime fanatics.
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I will say, though, at times while flipping through the pages whilst munching on Pizza Hut's delicious pie, I felt as if I was there. As I sat on the couch feeling the pizza crumbs on my chin I thought to myself ''Has Pizza Hut changed their sauce?'' and then ''My goodness, that poor woman, her children, such pain.'' It felt so real, because it is real. As the suspense bloomed in my hands, page through page I witnessed the crime unfold. I felt the panic, I felt the night, I heard the machine eating the frozen woman, piercing my ears like that awful music my husband listens to 
(no offense honey). 

For all intents and purposes Helle Crafts seemed like a lovely, devoted wife. She seemed like the kind of mother any child would adore, the kind of friend you see in Hallmark movies, and the kind of daughter any mother would be proud to call her own but above all else, she seemed tired. There was trouble in paradise; Bruises appeared on Helle's face. Richard, her cold and calculated husband, was having an affair. Things were bad and became worse.

For those of you who wish to read the book and discover what I discovered, for yourselves


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Richard Crafts almost got away with it. It is frightening how close he actually was to getting away with it. Helle Crafts was murdered by her husband, Richard because she found out about his affair with Nancy Dodd and threatened him with a divorce. Helle had everything that she needed to bring Richard down in court. A good lawyer, proof of his infidelity etc.
 This would end very badly for Richard, in more ways than one, if he didn't do something about it. . . and so he did.

''How did he do it? The bloodstains on the mattress told a tale. Helle was not shot, because a bullet would have produced spots of maximum velocity impact. Nor did he shove her head under a pillow to muffle the sound as he shot her, because the blood fell directly on the mattress cover. A knifing would also have produced spots of maximum velocity impact. That he droplets of blood were not intercepted by bedding might mean that the bedclothes were pulled off during a struggle; perhaps he lunged and she tried to escape, thrusting obstacles in his way, no matter how flimsy. But another explanation seems logical. Helle was making the bed.''


(p.195 continued)
''Crafts was not a bedmaker. Helle performed that chore. A very tidy person, having been away from home for three nights, she may have intended to change the bottom sheet or remake the bed. That would have seemed to Crafts an opportune moment, because she was preoccupied. Creeping up from behind, he struck her; and a likely suspect for a murder weapon could have been found nearby. In the bathroom, in a recharging holder, was an SL-35 ''Streamlight'' flashlight, one and a half inches in diameter, something less than twenty inches long and heavier than a standard hammer.''
(p.195 continued)
''For Crafts, the special beauty of the flashlight would have been that if Helle saw the familiar object in his hand, not raised, she wouldn't scream as she might if he held a baseball bat, say, which would have made his violent intentions obvious. So whether she tried to struggle or not, he hit her on the head with the flashlight or another weapon. He struck her twice, the second blow driving out the blood.''

 He then stored Helle Crafts' corpse in a large freezer because
 (p.197) ''To use a chain saw on a soft body would have caused an indescribable and, for Crafts, dangerous mess.''

 ''Only then did he chain saw the body, underneath which he put plastic drop cloths. To slice and package his wife in dark plastic bags in addition to the clear plastic drop cloths and some of the sheeting in which she had previously been wrapped and tie the bags with rope probably took an hour. He used the tip of the gas-powered Stihl's bar to minimize the tissue spew. Other chain saws rang in the air; neighbors were continuing to clean up after the storm. The police suspected that Crafts had severed only Helle's head and extremities, since they found bits from those areas of the body only. They thought he must have deposited the torso elsewhere, perhaps in the old freezer or in a dump with an immediate compactor. But that the torso has not been discovered is good reason to believe that he dismembered and chain-sawed the whole body; another reason is that remnants of the papers Helle would seem to have had in her nightshirt pockets were found among the River Road chips. Helle was hurriedly bagged in seven or eight parcels. Crafts went to Silver Bridge, and with wood he'd brought in the U-Haul, he chipped his wife's remains into the river, bag by bag.

So... Does your husband own a heavy flashlight?

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Read this book.

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Jun 22, 2018

Daddy Was The Black Dahlia Killer

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This morning after sexually assaulting a hot mug of coffee and brutalizing a Dunkin' Donut I turned to my husband and said: ''Honey, I think I'm going to review that completely believable Janice Knowlton book today.'' To which he replied, while watering our plants: ''Hey babe you look hot and that's a great idea! Didn't you say that she committed suicide in 2004?'' Me: 'Yes this is correct. You're such a lovely gardener. Remember to water our freesias...''

>>>A perfect example of an embellished fabrication, much like this book.<<<

Rarely am I ever left speechless after reading a book. Without exaggeration, this book and all of its heinous nightmares should have been bound by a straight jacket.
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Admittedly I am no stranger to the bizarre case of Elizabeth Short. Her name is familiar to many and echos a strange song of doomed beauty, mystery and merciless slaughter. All it takes is one glance at her ravaged corpse to make you wonder: What happened to this girl? Who murdered her? and What were their reasons? I've read many written pieces about her, I've tirelessly combed through websites and forums concerning her and I've created several pieces of art inspired by her. (shared below)
I frequently asked myself while reading; ''Is Janice Knowlton lying to us?'' Which then led to the more crucial question of ''Does Janice realize that she is lying to us?'' Janice doesn't theorize in this book. She doesn't beat around the bush. She tells us confidently that her father George Frederick Knowlton (the alleged serial killer) murdered and sadistically mutilated Elizabeth Short in their garage while she watched. Heed my warning : This is NOT the worst of it. This book is undoubtedly one of the most disturbing publications that I have had the misfortune of indulging. Yes ''indulging'' because this book should be solely regarded as aberrant entertainment. How many delusions/misinterpretations/exaggerations is this book comprised of? Maybe that, much like Elizabeth Short, will remain a mystery.

common facial expressions while reading :

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and yes, it pissed me off a tad.
I should have known what I was getting myself into when I ordered it (used) from the beloved Amazon. The cover itself should have tripped the alarm, but alas out of excitement I humored Janice and regretted it. Did Janice purposely try to shock us to embroider her claim? Was Janice mentally ill? Was she obsessed with Elizabeth Short's murder?

 It's plausible, unlike her allegations.

SPOILERS AHEAD : Read At Your Own Discretion.

 Janice is impregnated by her father George -
(p.241) ''By mid-November 1950 Jan was nearly five months pregnant. Kay and George must have known by that time, but she wasn't showing yet. They still had time to get away, before the family caught on.''

- ''One afternoon in early April, Jan came home from school with cramps and nausea.''
- ''Georgie heard her cries of pain and stormed into the bathroom. ''What the hell's wrong with you now?'' he demanded. Jan was past answering, gripped by pain that threatened to rip her in two. George watching from the sidelines, seated on the toilet like a sultan on his throne. He made no move to help her, even when the baby slithered free and settled to the bottom of the tub.''
-''George seemed more curious than startled. Rising from his ringside seat, he knelt beside the tub and poked the child, a girl, with a demanding index finger. No response? No sweat. His knife flashed, slicing through the soft umbilicus, and George scooped his daughter-grandchild from the water.''
-''Jan was instantly relieved to see him wrap the baby in a towel, convinced her daddy meant to ''save'' it.''

-'' Pausing on the threshold, with the bundle in his arms, he said, ''Get up and get your clothes on.'' Janice did as she was told, trailing Georgie to the kitchen. She saw her baby lying on the sideboard, near the sink. George turned to face her, let her see the shiny carving knife.
''I'll show you what they would have done with her,'' he said.''

George dismembers his daughter-grandchild in front of Janice-
(p.251 continued) ''The legs were easy for a butcher with experience. Small joints and tender flesh. Before Jan realized what was happening, George dropped them in the sink. She flung herself across the room and tackled Georgie, tried to knock him down. He laughed at her and let her have a solid backhand. slamming her against the nearest wall. She wound up on the floor, ears ringing, the familiar darkness closing in. The bloody knife was relentless, invasive, shearing flesh from bone. A moment later he was finished. Georgie bundle the remains up in a towel, considered them for several heartbeats, then suddenly exploded into rage. He turned and flung the bundle across the room into the dining nook. Jan scrambled underneath the table to retrieve her child. She heard Georgie berating her.''

After burying the dismembered infant, George Rapes Janice Again
(P.252) ''You keep your mouth shut, hear me? I can kill you any time I want to, plant you underneath the house. I'll tell your mother that you ran away. No one will ever find you.'' Numb inside, she offered no resistance as he led her to the bedroom, stripped her, and threw her on the bed. She barely felt the carving knife against her throat as Georgie raped her, his foul breath in her face. ''You like it, don't you?'' Wheezing with exertion now. ''You like your old man's cock. Tell me that you like it!'' Janice ''went away''.

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'Good Morning, Beth.' Illustration 

''Dismal Dahlia'' (SOLD)

Hand illustrated Black Dahlia tote bag (STILL AVAILABLE)

'Death and Beth' Illustration

'Ultrasound' Illustration

Jun 16, 2018


Well well. Isn't this a hot little '90s number. Nothing like raunchy nights of the elite to kick off a movie date, accompanied by Orville Redenbacher and Nicole Kidman's nipples. 

You could say that Eyes Wide Shut is a cinematic cup of coffee donning a sexy off shoulder gown with an animal printed g-string underneath. You could say that its characters sway under the lurid lights in houses of facades wrapped tightly in a society of esteemed vulgarities. It seems that the masks are present even before you tell the servants ''Fidelio''.

While Alice waltzes around with an impeccably dressed creepazoid, giving him good looks that are sure to assist him in opening atleast one of his eyes...

While Dr. Bill is eyed like a juicy steak by young models, all over him like lanugo hair...

and while they both engage in flirtatious, possibly encouraging behaviors during this dreamy, delectable party.....

I observe that all is not as it seems. The party itself is a mask. One giant costume; The elegance, the rich picturesque furnishings, the chilled guests and their fancy ensembles; all distractions from the true nature of things.

Keep an eye on the colors, dialogue and symbolism used throughout this film, as they're very cleverly placed and are there for a reason. Kubrick is trying to tell us something and I do assume that he is conveying a personal experience.

There are many things in this puzzling film to notice but I'd better be brief lest I trip and fall into the rabbit hole.

 You could cut the tension in Bill and Alice's marriage with a knife. It's no question that there is a lack of passion. The spark is gone, replaced with event planners, distrust and routine.

Alice is unhappy.

 It's Christmas Time. (hence all of the fucking lights.)

Everyone wants Bill.

Yes, he wants Bill too.

We glimpse the city that he lives in, at night; with its cold sultry underbelly and vivid lights blurring as Bill's steps through this binary city are narrated by the eccentric piano with no fingers. 

As Bill shimmies his way through glitterati turf, away from his monotonous marriage troubles and nearer to penetrating a secret society of mask wearing deviants, we are treated to an intriguing tale of uncertainty but sadly left hanging by a baffling, abrupt ending.

If you've yet to watch Eyes Wide Shut, for amusement's sake, give it a go.


IF I DID IT - Confessions of the Killer (SPOILERS)

Orenthal James Simpson: A name sure to garnish frowns, insults and possibly shudders. Is this man a killer? Did this man have a hand in his wife and Ron Goldman's murders? I have no fucking idea but this book does a terrific job of convincing me of as much. I've perused the spectrum of conspiracies, from Jason Simpson the raging knife wielding maniac to Glen Edward Rogers the peculiar serial killer. The various theories are engrossing but leave more questions than answers. 

The proof is in the pudding, so to speak. What sets this book aside from any number of theories regarding the crime is that the accused (OJ) puts himself (and ''Charlie'') at the site of the murder, covered in blood while holding the knife. In this book OJ speaks to us directly and through his words he sets the scene. 

-------------SPOILERS AHEAD-------------

Beginning at p.123

- An unfamiliar car parks a short way across the street near OJ's home.
- The driver gets out and waves from the distance. At first OJ doesn't know who it is but as he comes closer he realizes that it is ''Charlie''. 
-Charlie isn't himself. He's got something to tell OJ about Nicole.
-Charlie tells OJ about a couple of guys who told him that they had partied with Nicole and her friend while drinking, using drugs and engaging in sexual activity in Cabo a few months back.
- OJ becomes upset :
''I tried to count to ten. I didn't make it. By the time I got to three I realized that Charlie was right. He wasn't the enemy. Nicole was the enemy.'' (p.125)
- OJ tells Charlie to ''come on'' and they get into the Bronco.
Charlie: ''Where are we going OJ?''
OJ: ''We're going to scare the shit out that girl.''(p.125)
OJ parks the Bronco in the alley behind Nicole's condo, near a chain linked fence.
Charlie: ''Let's go the fuck back to your house.''
OJ: ''You worry too much.''
Charlie: ''What if she's with someone?''
OJ: ''She better not be. Not with my kids in the house.''
-OJ reaches into the backseat for his blue wool cap and his gloves (which he usually uses for golf). 
Charlie: ''What the fuck are you doing, man? You look like a burglar.''
OJ: ''Good.'' 
-OJ reaches under the seat for his very nice limited edition knife.
OJ: ''Nice, huh? Check out that blade.'' (p.128)
-OJ makes his way across the alley and nears Nicole's front door. 
-While outside her condo he notices candles burning through the windows.
-Nicole's condo gate squeaks and in walks Ron Goldman (''like he owned the fucking place'') (p.128)
OJ: ''Who the fuck are you?'' (p.128)
RON: ''I, uh - I just came by to return a pair of glasses.''
OJ: ''Really? A pair of glasses, huh?''
RON: ''Yes. Judy left them at the restaurant. I'm a waiter at Mezzaluna.''
OJ: ''So it's Judy, is it? You're on a first name basis with Judy.''
-The gate squeaks again and ''Charlie'' enters the scene behind Ron.
-Charlie is carrying the knife that OJ mentioned earlier.
CHARLIE: ''Everything cool here? I saw this guy walking through the gate, and i just wanted to make sure there wasn't going to be any trouble.''
OJ: ''This motherfucker wants me to believe that he's here dropping off a pair of Judy's glasses.''
RON: ''I am. (he holds up the envelope he brought) Look for yourself''
OJ: ''And then what? You were going back to the restaurant?''
RON: ''No. My shift's over. I'm just leaving these here and going home.''
OJ: ''You expect me to believe that?''
RON: ''I don't expect anything. I'm telling you the truth.''
OJ: ''You're a fucking liar!''
RON: ''I'm not. I swear to God.''
OJ: ''She's got candles burning inside. Fucking music playing. Probably a nice bottle of red wine breathing on the counter, waiting for you.''
RON: ''Not for me.''
OJ: ''Fuck you man! You think i'm fucking stupid or something?!''
-The front door opens and out steps Nicole, wearing a slinky little black cocktail dress. She's surprised and looks at OJ, Ron and Charlie. 
NICOLE: ''OJ what the fuck is going on?''
OJ (looking at Nicole): ''That's what I want to know.''
-Charlie moves closer. OJ is about to lose his temper.
OJ (speaking to Ron): ''I'm listening motherfucker!''
NICOLE: ''OJ! Leave him the fuck alone! What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were going to Chicago.''
OJ: ''Fuck you.''
RON: ''Hey, man, that's not necessary.''
CHARLIE: ''Let's just get the fuck out of here, OJ.''
RON: ''I asked you a question, motherfucker. What are you doing here? You delivering drugs?''
NICOLE: ''Leave him alone OJ!''
OJ: ''I hear half you assholes are dealing on the side.''
-Nicole comes at OJ swinging.
NICOLE: ''Get the fuck out of here! This is my house and I can do what I want!''
OJ: ''Not in front of my kids, you can't!''
NICOLE: ''Fuck you!''
OJ: ''No, fuck you. I gave you everything you could ask for, and you fucked it all up.''
-Nicole comes at OJ. OJ ducks and Nicole loses her balance, falling hard against the stoop on her right side. 
-OJ hears the back of Nicole's head hitting the ground. Nicole lays there for a moment, not moving.
CHARLIE: ''Jesus christ, OJ let's get the fuck out of here!''
-OJ, fuming, looks at Ron. Ron feels threatened and gets into his karate stance.
OJ: ''What the fuck is that? You think you can take me with your karate shit?''
-Ron begins circling OJ, bobbing and weaving.
CHARLIE: ''OJ come on!''
-Nicole begins stirring on the ground, regaining consciousness. 
CHARLIE: ''We are fucking done here man, let's go!''
-OJ takes the knife from Charlie.
OJ: ''We're not going anywhere.''
-Ron is still circling OJ, bobbing and weaving.
OJ: ''You think you're tough, motherfucker?''
-OJ moves toward Ron.
OJ: ''Okay, motherfucker! Show me how tough you are!''

Then something went horribly wrong...

-OJ's shirt is covered in blood. (p.132)
-OJ looks down and sees Nicole on the ground curled up in the fetal position not moving. He also sees Ron slumped against the bars of the fence, not moving. Both Nicole and Ron are lying in giant pools of blood. (p.123)

-OJ doesn't understand the blood all over his knife. He thinks he is dreaming (p.133)
-OJ looks down at his blood soaked clothing and notices his hand, wrist and half of his right forearm are also covered in blood.
-Charlie is standing in the shadows a few feet away, his mouth is hanging open, his breathing is short and ragged. He is staring past OJ at the bodies.
OJ calls out to Charlie, met by no answer. 
CHARLIE: ''Jesus christ OJ - what have you done?'' (p.133)


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Based on this book OJ Simpson is guilty. He pretty much told us so.
He didn't just make the tea. He served it.

I recommend purchasing your copy. It's certainly worth a read and gives you a closer look into his and Nicole's problematic marriage from OJ's point of view.


Jun 14, 2018

DIANA : Her True Story - In Her Own Words

I was quite excited to receive this particular book in the mail. As is the case with many of my books, I ordered it on impulse. Surprisingly, I had never heard of this title but once I laid eyes on it and skimmed through the brief summary, I knew that I had to have it. The binding was chic and simple, the title was intriguing and there were just enough pages to make me want to cop a feel. I was anxious to read all of the juicy details of Princess Diana's rousing life: her struggles, her experiences but above all I was eager to read the truth.

With a chilly glass of wine in one hand and Her True Story in the other, I began my trek through Diana's hectic world. As I read and sipped and read I became nauseated, not from the wine, the wine was delicious, but from the sheer amount of narcissism and slant heavily sprinkled throughout this turbulent diary of sorts. I was not prepared for how tedious and disappointing this book revealed itself to be. I began with an open mind, and unbiased curiosity. I finished with a tired, regretful perplexity. Why the fuck did I spend money on this? I may as well have watched Mel Gibson's 'The Passion'. 

I wanted wholeheartedly to believe Diana: This magnetic woman who remains adored and mourned by millions across the globe, and honoured for her charities and charms. Unfortunately I couldn't. I didn't. This book is not the full truth and is filled with contradictions, exaggerations and outstanding idolatry. It was easy to spot her inconsistent statements and painfully obvious that she wanted nothing more than to paint herself as a tortured martyr.

With her dazzling smile bound around her story, she makes it easy to ignore the negative aspects of herself, but Diana had some serious issues and many of those had nothing to do with the Windsors. Like stories, there are two sides to every person. 

Quotes and pages that stood out to me:

''She recognized that her popularity was seen as a threat to the Prince of Wales by the 'men in grey' at the palace'' (p.353)

''In a parting shot she said: 'Expect a big surprise in the next 2 weeks.' Given subsequent tragic events, there has been much speculation about what she meant.'' (p.390)

''I always felt very different from everyone else, very detached, I knew I was going somewhere different but had no idea where.'' (p.36)

''I kept thinking 'look at the life they have, how awful'' (on Prince Charles and his brothers' life) (p.49)

''We fell in love gradually. It wasn't really dramatic. One blink and it would have gone.'' (p.53)

''My grandma always said to me: 'Darling, you must understand that their sense of humour and their lifestyle are different and i don't think it will suit you.'' (p.56)

Princess Diana confronts Camilla Parker Bowles (p.247 - 248)

Prince Charles wants to be Captain Hook (???)  (p.289)

''Why don't you rape someone else?'' (p.360)

''I like to live as normally as possible...'' (p.360)

''...magician John Styles took her wedding ring, placed it in a silk handkerchief and, with a flourish, made it vanish. Diana collapsed into a fit of laughter and cried : ''Good.'' (p.370)

'Her head tells her that she would like to be the ambassador to the world, her heart tells her that she would like to be wooed by an adoring billionaire,' (p.387-388)

- C.R.